Content Warnings: Infidelity, Explicit Sexual Language

10 – Madison

I am not completely convinced of the events that happened last Saturday. As I frantically tidy up my apartment, waiting for the imminent arrival of Elias, a part of me wishes it was all in my imagination. An intrusive thought I cooked up and gaslit myself into believing it was real.

My apartment is usually pretty tidy, sans for the corner of my bedroom where my desk and laptop live. I have scripts stacked, photographs tacked to the wall and my leather messenger bag for school tossed over.

I give my sheets a sniff, I washed them yesterday, still fresh. I don’t know if we will even be in the bed, but I might as well get it ready just in case. I’ve known Elias most of my life. He is my best friend and yet I am acting like my first date is about to arrive. I suppose it is just that. Our relationship feels different, new. Like we finished a book in the series of life and are on to the next one. New plot lines, new characters to follow. It feels uncertain and exciting.

I hear my phone buzz on the counter in the kitchen and leap over my bed and run to the kitchen to grab it. My heart is racing. I’m more nervous for this meet-up than I’ve ever been for a swim meet or an exam. I need to breath. It’s fine. Elias has been inside my apartment before. This is a normal situation. My friend is just coming to hang out.

Elias: 5 minutes away

Elias: Ready to do some bad things with me?

I swallow and reread the message over and over. Bad things. I close my eyes and roll my head back. This is not a normal situation.

I light candle that smells like warm amber and cedar woods and place i on my coffee table. I turn off the overhead lighting and set the mood. I might as well stop pretending like Elias is coming over to chat and eat dinner. I turn on the side lamps and my salt lamp, so it emits a warm orange glow. I play a romantic indie playlist and sit on my couch. My right knee bounces up and down frantically and I have to place my hand on my thigh to stop it. I am forcing myself not to change my outfit again. It’s chilly outside, yet my apartment is warm. I am wearing a fitted gray T-shirt. It hugs my pectoral muscles and the sleeves cap just above my bicep. I have dark wash jeans on, that now I realize, Elias would stare at my ass whenever I wore them. It’s a simple fit, but it shows off my body and I want to feel sexy.]

My door buzzes and I spring off the couch. I pace over to the door and buzz him up. Taking some deep breaths. I’m on the third floor and there’s no elevator. Should I meet him downstairs? No, I think I’ll wait here. I go to sit back on the couch but then pivot back to the door. I’ll go meet him. I open the door and hear him climbing the steps. I’m frozen at the door frame. Waiting for him to come to me.

A few more steps and I see his perfectly quaffed hair come in view first. He always styles it with a matte wax so it’s perfectly tousled back. It makes it appear like his hair naturally falls that way. His olive skin has paled from the winter, but I always feel his warmth when he nears me. He’s wearing a chunky dark green sweater under his long black peacoat. He rounds the last turn and I see he’s wearing black pants, that are fitted so I can perfectly make out the bulge in his pants. He looks up and sees me standing at the door. And when I tell you, the euphoric feeling that rushes through my entire body, is something I’ve never felt about anyone in my entire life.

I see Elias and I see love. I see someone who cares so deeply for me. And I for him. I want to grow old with him. I forget about everyone else when his dark chocolate eyes lock with my own. He smiles ear to ear. Those eyes twinkling with delight as he picks up his pace and approaches me. Pushing me inside, closing the door and immediately devouring my mouth.

I help him shrug off his peacoat while our lips roam around each other. He is grunting and moaning as he dips his hands under the hem of my T-shirt. His skin in contact with mine sends my knees buckling for more.

He kicks off his shoes and I direct us to the couch. I push him down and crawl on top of him, continuing to kiss him. We stay like this for a while. Kissing, nibbling and whispering sweet nothings.

“Maddy, you smell divine.” He says as he nuzzles my neck.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long Eli, I want you so much. I need you.” I confess back to him. He grabs the hem of my shirt and peels it over my head, pausing to take me in. He runs his fingers down my torso and dips his fingers under the hem of my jeans.

I do the same to him, peeling off his sweater and nearly collapsing at the sight of him. I’ll never get over how immaculate his physique is. You can tell how stressed he is by how ripped he is. Fatherhood, the drama with the Au pair and living with Scarlett has Elias spending several hours a week at the gym. I caress his skin, like I’m carving his muscles with my fingers. He’s hard. Thick and broad shoulders with muscles that ripple down to hard abs. I will make it my mission this evening to lick those abs. I thrust my hips against his and feel the tension of my jeans agains his. Elias’ eyes roll and he tilts his back.

“Uhh, Maddy. I’m not going to last long if you keep dry humping me.” I roll my hips against his again in response and he chuckles, reaching for my belt to undo it. I grab his hands and pull them up over his head.

“Not yet, I want first taste.” I say to him. Elias’ eyes turn lustful as he grabs the armrest behind him. I reach down for his pants and undo them, pulling them down his legs. His erection is begging to be released from his briefs. I rub my hand along the fabric and am rewarded with a guttural growl from Elias.

“Maddy, I don’t know if I can last.”

“It’s alright, we can take turns. Then rinse and repeat.” I say in a hushed tone and pull down his briefs. Elias is completely naked and erect on my couch now. If I was a painter, I’d capture this moment on canvas with oil paints. But instead, I grab my film camera from a bookshelf and point it at him. He looks up at me, still with his arms up overhead, muscular legs sprawled open, one ankle hooked over the back of the couch. His arousal is full, long and throbbing. I see the tip glistening and I take his photo.

I crawl over to him and take my time ravishing him. His chest heaves as I explore his body. He can’t keep his hands off of me much longer and digs his fingers in my hair, pressing my mouth into him deeper.

“Oh god, yes Maddy.” He purrs. “This is better than I’ve ever imagined.”

I use my free hands to massage his thighs. Working towards the center and the back, relaxing him more. After several minutes, he’s breathing heavily and moaning my name as he releases down my throat.

In the next hour, we take turns exploring each other’s naked bodies, eventually moving to my bedroom. On his knees, he licks, sucks and kissing my own arousal. Standing over him, I feel a rare sense of power over Elias. I take his beautiful hair in my fist and push myself deeper down his throat. If his gags are any indication, I doubt any man he’s been with was bigger than me. His nails are clawing into my ass cheeks, and I am just about to release when I pull him off of me. I pump myself with my other hand while my other grips the back of his head. I release over his face, his long eyelashes fluttering in arousal.

We do just as I promised, wash each other in the shower and repeat. Only taking breaks to make a snack of toast and decaf coffee, then going at it again. I taste him while he sits on the kitchen counter. That’s all we do, is taste. In the shower, Elias reveals something I never would have guessed.

“I should tell you…I haven’t been with a guy, fully, before.” He says while running a sudsy loofa across his chest.

“You haven’t? I just assumed, well, you were with guys before. I assumed you had sex.”

He shakes his head, “No, I’ve only done oral with guys. I guess I felt unsure or nervous.”

“We don’t have to do anything you are uncomfortable with.”

He steps toward me and pulls me into his arms. Elias is taller than me and always angles his head down so his face falls to the crook of my neck. He hugs me tight as the hot water falls over us.

“I want it all Maddy.” He says against my neck. “I want everything with you. I want to do it all.” He pulls apart and kisses me hard. A kiss filled with yearning and passion. Possibly with a hint of sadness too. At the reality that this is all our relationship can be, secret hookups in my apartment.

Elias falls asleep with me his arms. We don’t have sex yet, but I know this isn’t the last time we are together. In fact, this is just the beginning.

My alarm rings and I wake up with this intense heat against my back. I’m confused at first until I see the arm slung over me. Elias stayed. I wasn’t sure if he would but it’s not unlike him to stay the night at my apartment. He’s done it before, except he would sleep on the couch. Never again. I turn my body so I’m facing him. He’s still sleeping as I reach down and start caressing him. His morning wood is already pulsing under my grip. He softly purrs and his eyelashes flutter open. He smiles lazily as he reaches around and grazes his fingers along my back.

“Uh oh.” He has a concerned look on his face.

I stop moving my fist, “What’s wrong?”

“I think I’m getting sick. My throat is killing me.”

My concern washes away and I hold in my laughter, resuming my strokes.

“What’s so funny?”

“You’re not sick.”

“But my throat…”

“Had nine inches shoved down it last night.”

His mouth gapes open and he starts laughing. He pushes me on my back and swings his leg around so he’s straddling my face.

“Let’s see how you take it.” He says as he slides himself into my mouth and returns the favor.

11 – Madison

Thursdays are my favorite days of the week. I plan my entire life around Thursday evening. I pick up fresh groceries to make a meal for Elias and me or we make a reservation at Fox & Lark. I burn scented candles and curate new playlists. I gave Elias a key before he left the first time, we were together. He lets himself in now. Tossing his coat on the hook and gliding over to wherever I’m at, kissing me in greeting. We pretend like this is our normal life. That he always comes home to me. After the third week of playing house, we made love to each other.

“I’ll take care of you.” I told him as he hovered over my body, both of us sprawled on my bed. We relaxed each other at first, kissing and massaging.

“I don’t want to use a condom.” Elias said suddenly.

I was surprised by that, “Are you sure? What about Scarlett?”

“I use a condom with her. Every time.” He said. I know they have sex. I know that I’m his secret hook-up, that he’s cheating on his partner with me. But for some reason, it felt like the opposite. Like I’m his life partner and she’s just some accessory.

“Why do you use a condom? Isn’t she on birth control?”

“I don’t trust her. Besides, I knew I wanted to feel all of you. I wanted to protect you. Enough about Scarlett, I don’t want to hear her name anymore.” He said ending the conversation.

With that, I grabbed a few things from my bedside drawer and pulled his mouth into mine again. We nipped at each other, and I pumped my fist around his length, lubing him up and lead him into me. He pulled his mouth away and we locked eyes as we connected for the first time. When I was full, he pressed his forehead against mine. I used my hands at his hips to guide his thrusts. Soon enough, he picked up the rhythm and we spent the night connecting in the most intimate way we ever had before.

Elias wanted me inside him that same night, but I suggested we take it slow. Though that didn’t last and the next week, I had him folded over the side of my couch as I thrusted myself into him. In fact, we find ourselves in this position more often than not. Me towering over him, inside him, coming over him, as he takes all of me just as I am.

This Thursday, Elias and I are wandering the rows of the Strand, a massive bookstore near Union Square, with aisles among aisles of winding bookcases. The crowds aren’t as apparent on a Thursday evening but still, shoppers mill about tables displaying new releases and other curated tables. The smell of warm espresso fills the air as a barista makes customers warm drinks to sip as they browse. I wander toward the classic's aisle, looking for copies to use as props in an upcoming shoot.

Elias approaches me, looking decadent as usual and hands me a paper coffee cup. When do you know you have found your soulmate? Is it feeling immersed in a delighted haze whenever they touch you? Is it that despite being apart, you never feel alone? Or is it when they bring your coffee order without asking what you want? Elias checks all three of those boxes.

I can’t keep my hands to myself any longer and pull him deeper into the bookshelves, so we are tucked in the back corner, hidden away from other shoppers. I slide my hand behind his head and pull him into a deep kiss. He leans into me, and we make out against dusty paperbacks of Mary Shelley and Tolstoy.

We trek back to the East Village and head to our reservation at Fox & Lark. The corner booth is waiting for our arrival. Our corner booth. We take our seats and look over the menu as if we ever deviate from our usual order. I feel Elias’ presence heated next to me and look up. He’s gazing over at me, slightly smiling.

“Penny for your thoughts?” I ask, placing my hand on his thigh.

“Will you be by boyfriend?”

Little sparks start to burst inside my chest. “Can you have a boyfriend when you also have a girlfriend?” I ask, brows raised. Elias doesn’t like talking about Scarlett when we are together but she comes up regardless. When either of us gets a text from her or when this specific topic arises. I don’t feel jealous or territorial of him when he’s with her. I suppose it’s because I know I can give him something she never can.

Besides, I know he’s trying to make the relationship work with her for Daisy’s sake. He studies fatherhood like Economics. Elias will send me articles and ask my thoughts on them. He’s read countless threads about having both parents in the household to enrich a child’s upbringing. I never would come between him and Daisy. She’s his number one. He will do anything for her. He picked her up a new book to read to her at bedtime and will look at the baby monitor app on his phone during the evening to make sure she’s sound asleep when Scarlett is watching her.

“I don’t know what to call Scarlett. Girlfriend feels to intimate. Our relationship feels like a transaction.” Elias replies after our waiter takes our order.

“I’d love to be your boyfriend. If you’ll be mine.” I say squeezing his thigh under the table. Elias tilts his head down, flashing me a gorgeous smile with his dimples on full display. I want to take him right here in this restaurant.

“I want nothing more.” He says before pulling away his smile. “I don’t want you thinking about Scarlett while you’re with me. Our relationships are separate.”

“I understand that, but they also aren’t. We share you. How you progress in your life with her, will affect me. Are you planning on telling her about us?”

Elias’ expression turns dark, “No. She will never understand. She’s too territorial and would claw your eyes out and feed them to me unknowingly. I hate it but we need to keep this between us.”

“I understand.” I say truthfully. I knew when I opened the door to him weeks ago, that it wouldn’t be an ultimatum. It would be a sacrifice.

The above is an excerpt from a rough draft of an upcoming release by Anjelica Rose called Maroon. Note that any content my change once published.

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